Withholding gender revelation for a four-year-old: Advocating for complete personal freedom, considering sex-related discussions fitting solely in medical contexts.
Freedom for All: One Parent's Journey Raising a "Gender-Free" Child
Sitting down with hosts Ben Shepherd and Cat Deeley on this episode of This Morning, guest Leah Borromeo revealed her reasons for choosing to keep her four-year-old child, Riley, in the dark about their gender identity.
Leah, accompanied by Cat and Ben, discussed her and her partner's decision to avoid subjecting their child to gender stereotypes. Leah shared, "We both saw and observed how we were raised as children, and it annoyed us. When I was being brought up, telling my mum 'why are boys always allowed to do everything they want to do, but girls sit still and be quiet?' It seemed really unfair."
Leah went on to explain that she and her partner have decided to raise Riley as "gender-free," meaning they have not disclosed Riley's gender to anyone. "It's not saying you are one of either binary," Leah clarified. "So, their sex is their sex. When we are at the doctors, anywhere else, or a passport for instance, or their birth cert, their sex is their sex. The gender is, of course, how you feel inside..."
Leah and her partner's primary goal is to empower Riley to discover their true identity without the pressure of societal expectations. As Leah put it, "What we're concerned about, or focused on, is making sure they are able to discover what they are inside."
To achieve this, Leah and her partner have also made a conscious effort to understand and avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes. "We've observed that once you assign a gender to someone, immediately people will change their behavior," Leah explained. "We notice this in the delivery room. When we heard people talking about newborns having such strong muscles, being brave little soldiers, being delicate princesses... They're just babies."
In response to Cat's curiosity about the family and friends' reaction when they were told they wouldn't reveal Riley's gender, Leah shared, "We had a lockdown baby, so it was a little bit stranger than other circumstances. Riley's first interaction with any family member was through a Zoom call... When we did that, I was just tired, Riley was nuzzling, half asleep... Somebody in my family just went 'Boy or a girl?' and I said 'Well they haven't told us yet.'"
Cat then asked about the response, to which Leah admitted, "In admin stakes of things, you have to get a birth certificate, if they ask for a sex, we provide it."
Ben pointed out that Leah was referring to Riley themselves not revealing their gender, to which Leah agreed, "Correct." Ben went on to express his surprise, stating, "Which is an extraordinary position to take. It's unusual to hear, we're both parents, we've been there, your family are waiting to find out, whether it's a surprise or not..."
Leah addressed the challenges they might face, mentioning that they've chosen a school with an accepting approach to education. "We have had not much [challenges], we chose the primary school that they are going to because of their accepting approach to educating kids," Leah said. "A lot of children there are already in that mindset."
When asked if Riley will choose when they want to identify as a specific gender, Leah replied, "If they want to, the pressure isn't on them to choose. They don't have to. If they feel they need to, they will."
This Morning airs on ITV1 weekdays from 10am and is available to stream on ITVX.
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_Enrichment Data:
Overall:
Raising a child as "gender-free" aims to provide an environment to promote self-expression, challenge societal norms, and create a more equal family dynamic. Proponents believe this approach fosters secure and adaptable individuals by releasing them from societal constraints tied to biological sex.[1][4]
Core Rationales:
- Empowerment and Self-Expression: Gender-free parenting focuses on individual preferences over predetermined roles, allowing children to develop identity free from societal constraints.[3][5]
- Stereotype Breaking: This approach rejects assumptions (e.g., boys avoiding nurturing roles, girls avoiding "masculine" activities) to reducegender-based limitations on behavior and aspirations.[1][3]
- Equitable Family Roles: It encourages flexible caregiving dynamics, helping achieve family partnerships by sharing traditionally gendered responsibilities.[3][4]
Potential Impacts:
- On the child:
- Benefits: Enhanced emotional resilience, self-awareness, and diminished internalization of harmful stereotypes.[3][5]
- Challenges: Potential social friction from peers or institutions adhering to binary norms.[3]
- On the family:
- Advantages: Strengthened relationships from shared parenting roles.[4]
- Disadvantages: Exposure to societal criticism for deviating from traditional norms, necessitating open communication to navigate judgments.[1][3]
Practical Implementation:
Parents adopting this approach often prioritize:- Language: Using gender-neutral terms (e.g., "they/them" pronouns) to avoid assumptions.[2]- Activities: Encouraging cross-gender play (e.g., boys exploring "feminine" interests like nurturing roles) to broaden skill sets.[1][3]- Role Modeling: Demonstrating fluidity in parental duties (e.g., fathers engaging in emotional caregiving) to normalize flexibility.[3][4]
By focusing on individual needs over gendered expectations, this method aims to cultivate secure, adaptable children while reshaping family dynamics toward greater equity.[5][4]**
- The interview on This Morning discussed a parent's decision to raise their child as gender-free, avoiding subjecting the child to gender stereotypes.
- Leah Borromeo, the parent in question, explained that they chose not to disclose their child's gender to anyone, emphasizing that it's not about being one of the two binary genders.
- Leah and her partner aim to empower their child to discover their true identity without the pressure of societal expectations, even if it means avoiding traditional health-and-wellness, parenting, lifestyle, family-dynamics, and relationships discussions.
- For the family, it's important to understand and avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes, noticing how people change their behavior once a gender is assigned, especially in the delivery room and early interactions with children.
- Viewers can tune in to This Morning on ITV1 weekdays from 10am or stream it on ITVX to learn more about the Borromeo family's journey and the concept of raising a child as gender-free.
- Research suggests that this approach focuses on individual preferences over predetermined roles, providing an environment to promote self-expression, challenge societal norms, and create a more equal family dynamic, potentially leading to emotionally resilient, adaptable children and strengthened family relationships.
