Struggles and Resilience in Female Friendships Among Autistic Individuals
Authentic Pals for Autistic Fellows: Navigating Friendships
Having pals and building connections is something that most folks crave, and those on the autism spectrum are no exception. In fact, many autistic women eagerly seek friendships, displaying a strong yearning for social connections much like their neurotypical peers.
However, they may experience more isolation than their neurotypical counterparts or male peers with autism. This social detachment can be attributed to several challenges these amazing ladies encounter when trying to forge and maintain meaningful relationships.
barriers to buddy-making for autistic women
Autistic women's journey to friendship is no walk in the park. They face a range of hurdles that can affect their social experiences and overall well-being.
These obstacles usually stem from differences in communication styles, expectations, and ways of interacting with the world.
Social camouflage for a crowd
Autistic women may develop strategies to blend in better with social norms and make friends (also known as autistic masking or camouflaging). This can result in less genuine bonds and hindered authentic self-expression. As one gal shared,
"I feel like my friends don't truly know the real me. I've got different masks for every person, constantly worried they won't accept the real, authentic me."
navigating verbal wars
Autistic women could especially struggle with relational aggression, such as gossip or being left out, and may find it hard to understand or respond effectively to such conflict.
One study found that autistic girls reported high levels of relational aggression within their friendships, and they may not easily recognize or manage conflict in their relationships like neurotypical women.
baffled by countless nuances
Autistic women can struggle with understanding subtle social cues, body language, and unspoken rules, leading to misunderstandings and a sense of confusion. They might also find that female peers are less forgiving of social mistakes or differences, resulting in feelings of disconnection and unbelonging, as one individual put it:
"It's like there's a weird disconnect between me and other women."
expected emotional intimacy
There's often more of an expectation of emotional openness or closeness in female friendships, which can be tough for some autistic individuals. For example, declining a hug from a friend might be misconstrued as impolite.
One woman shared,
"I struggle with people touching me and understanding appropriate physical intimacy with platonic friends, so I usually don't initiate it unless the other person sets the tone."
insecurities galore
Due to struggles forming friendships and maintaining them, many autistic women might feel anxious about being rejected or losing friends. They might have difficulty forming trust and worry about being judged by potential friends. As one woman said,
"I've experienced betrayal by friends in the past, and now I expect that every future friendship will end the same way. So, what's the point in even trying?"
disconnecting with neurotypical women
Connecting with neurotypical women can be particularly tricky due to:
- Complex Social Rules: Women friendships can involve unspoken rules, indirect communication, and hidden hints that are hard to decipher.
- Different Communication Choices: Neurotypical friendships tend to emphasize emotional sharing through conversation, while autistic communication might not align with these priorities.
- Social Hierarchy Labyrinths: Women peer groups can come with complex social hierarchies and strict unwritten rules about status and behavior.
- Mental and Emotional Drain: The pressure to conform to neurotypical social norms can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
While forming lasting, meaningful friendships with neurotypical individuals isn't impossible, many autistic women might find it easier to connect with other neurodivergent individuals.
strengths bringing sparkle to friendships
Autistic women are sprinkled with unique strengths that can make friendships blossom, mirroring qualities found in neurotypical friendships while also contributing special qualities. These strengths can lay the foundation for enriching relationships, although they may be expressed differently from neurotypical individuals.
staying true to your roots
Autistic women are admired for their honesty, authenticity, and direct communication styles. They tend to say what they mean and value genuine connections over shallow interactions, which can foster a sense of trust in friendships.
This authenticity can give friendships a refreshing and down-to-earth quality.
bonding over feelings
Autistic women, like their neurotypical counterparts, prefer intimate emotional exchanges in friendships. They often create a safe space for emotional release and understanding.
This focus on emotional connection can foster profound, meaningful relationships.
unyielding loyalty and commitment
Autistic women possess the power to be incredibly devoted and loyal friends. They can build intense bonds that last, often choosing one or two best friends instead of a large group.
This dedication can lead to strong, enduring friendships.
presenting fresh perspectives
Autistic women often offer unique ideas and perspectives due to their different ways of seeing the world, problem-solving, and expressing creativity.
This unique outlook can enrich the lives of those around them and offer innovative insights into various situations.
treasuring quality over quantity
Since autistic women might prioritize a few quality relationships over numerous casual acquaintances, they often pour their heart and soul into chosen friendships.
Their chosen relationships are likely to be stronger and more meaningful because of their commitment and devotion.
Friendship matchup: autistic vs. neurotypical women
Key differences between friendships formed by autistic and neurotypical women may include:
- Social Desire: Autistic women often are more socially motivated than their male peers, showing greater interest in cultivating friendships and participating in social settings.
- Friendship Focus: Autistic girls tend to concentrate on verbal communication, while autistic boys focus more on shared activities.
- Quality of Friendships: Autistic girls form closer, more loyal, and more emotionally supportive friendships than their male peers.
- Conflict Management: Autistic girls report facing more relational aggression, including gossip and exclusion, than autistic boys. Autistic boys might experience direct aggression, such as threats. Autistic girls could find it harder to recognize and manage conflict effectively.
- Number of Friends: Autistic girls typically have one or two close friends, instead of a larger circle of friends.
- Social Styles: Autistic women might develop camouflaging strategies to mask their social difficulties, allowing them to be more socially accepted but adding to the stress and challenges of maintaining those relationships.
- Understanding: Autistic men might have an "exchange-based" or "tit-for-tat" understanding of friendship, while women tend to value emotional connection, reciprocity, and intimacy in their relationships.
- Communication: Autistic women might be more likely to discuss their friends or social groups, possibly due to hyperawareness of friends and social circles or the fear of experiencing negative consequences from social gaffes.
- Gender Expectations: Gender roles and expectations might influence autistic boys and girls differently, leading to unique social challenges and opportunities for both. For example, women often seek emotional support, while men focus more on shared activities and practical assistance.
Now that you've refreshed your knowledge about autistic friendships, it's time to spread the word and let the world know that autistic women are just as capable of forming lasting, loving friendships! 🤗💖✨
Autistic women's journey towards establishing friendships encounters various obstacles, such as differences in communication styles, expectations, and social norms. These hurdles can result in less genuine connections, hindered authentic self-expression, and isolated experiences.
One challenge autistic women might face is social camouflage, in which they intentionally adapt their behaviors to blend in with social norms. This practice can lead to hindered authenticity and less genuine bonds.
Autistic women might struggle with relational aggression, like gossip or being left out, and may find it hard to understand or respond effectively to such conflicts.
They can struggle with understanding subtle social cues, body language, and unspoken rules, leading to misunderstandings and feelings of confusion.
There's often more of an expectation of emotional openness or closeness in female friendships, which can be tough for some autistic individuals.
Due to struggles with forming friendships and maintaining them, many autistic women might feel anxious about being rejected or losing friends. They might have difficulty forming trust and worry about being judged by potential friends.
While connecting with neurotypical women isn't impossible, many autistic women might find it easier to connect with other neurodivergent individuals.
Autistic women are sprinkled with unique strengths that can make friendships blossom, such as honesty, authenticity, and direct communication styles, which foster trust and down-to-earth connections. They also prioritize quality relationships, ensuring their chosen relationships are stronger and more meaningful because of their commitment and dedication.
Key differences between friendships formed by autistic and neurotypical women may include social motivation, friendship focus, conflict management, number of friends, social styles, understanding, communication, and gender expectations. By acknowledging these differences, we can better support autistic women in forming lasting and loving friendships.
