"Excessive Family Ties": Adult Daughter Fails to Break Away, drawing Concern and Intervention from Peers
In the complex world of parent-adult child relationships, finding a balance between offering support and respecting independence is crucial. According to licensed psychologist Hal Shorey, dismissive and avoidant parents often find it easier to adjust after their children move out, but others think that adult children who expect their parents to treat them like children are too old for such behavior.
The norm for positive parental engagement involves encouraging independence, providing unconditional love, respecting boundaries, and maintaining appropriate involvement. Parents who understand the need for their adult children to make their own decisions and learn from mistakes help promote personal growth and trust, which strengthens bonds.
However, overinvolvement, emotional control, or ignoring adult children's autonomy may lead to strained relations or even estrangement, as resentment and emotional fatigue build on the adult child’s side. A Greek study from 2018 suggests that learning to live without parents may do adults some good, as living with parents can be stressful for some adult children.
The trend of young adults living with parents is on the rise, particularly in the UK where 43% of young adults live with their parents at age 25. The average age of moving out of parents' house in the EU is 26.5. Joanne Hsu, a research associate professor at the University of Michigan, attributes this trend to financial concerns and worries about weathering shocks, as seen in the 2008 recession.
A woman's story illustrates the emotional consequences of living with dismissive and avoidant parents who show little interest after their child moves out. If young adults were to pay for housing, food, and transportation themselves, that would seriously boost the economy, according to Joanne Hsu. However, it's not good for the economy when adult children live with their parents, she adds.
By age 34, the percentage of young adults living with parents drops significantly to 12% for men and only 5% for women in the UK. Four main sources of tension between parents and adult children living together were identified in the Greek study: interference gateway, friction over routines and conventions, adult children getting stuck, and "mother/father knows best."
Blurred lines can occur when adult children receive too much care from parents, creating issues with autonomy. Adult children may feel undervalued and diminished when their parents make decisions for them and position themselves as more knowledgeable. Some people believe that parents should always be there for their adult children, even if it means continuing to treat them like children.
However, this approach can lead to emotional consequences. The woman in the story felt unwanted by her parents, especially her mother, and was hurt by her mother's lack of interest in visiting or reaching out to her after she moved out. A 2024 Bank of America survey revealed that more than half of Gen Z say they don't make enough to live the life they want, which may contribute to the trend of young adults living with their parents.
In conclusion, healthy parental engagement after children move out balances support with respect for independence, positively affecting the long-term parent-adult child relationship by fostering trust, love, and mutual respect. Encouraging independence, providing unconditional love, respecting boundaries, and maintaining appropriate involvement are key aspects of this norm.
- In the realms of health-and-wellness and lifestyle, promoting independence for adult children contributes to their personal growth, as highlighted in the Greek study of 2018.
- The relationship between a parent and their adult child can be strained by overinvolvement and emotional control, as family dynamics become complex when boundaries are ignored, as mentioned in the woman's story and the Greek study findings.
- By understanding the importance of maintaining a balance between support and respecting independence, parents can foster a relationship built on trust, love, and mutual respect, contributing to the health and wellness of both parties, in line with the conclusions drawn from the text.
