5 Strategies for Kind Self-Talk to Assist in Achieving and Meeting Targets

Ditch the controversy and emotion around New Year's resolutions - they're either loved or loathed, but the real question is how you approach them. The phrase "new year, new you" is likely to stir up different feelings for everyone, but it's all about how you perceive it.

According to Jane Compson, an associate professor of Politics, Philosophy and Public Affairs at the University of Washington Tacoma, self-compassion is key to tackling your resolutions.

So, what is self-compassion? Compson, who researches and teaches self-compassion, defines it as being kind to yourself, understanding that suffering and inadequacy are part of the shared human experience, and being mindful instead of ignoring or over-identifying with emotions.

Take a goal like exercising in the new year:

Instead of berating yourself with negative self-talk ("I’m so lazy. I won't be good/attractive/worthy enough if I don't workout"), start with kindness ("I want to exercise for my health. This is a way I can care for myself").
Remind yourself that starting a new workout routine is hard and it's normal to struggle with this ("Starting a new workout routine is hard. It’s normal to struggle with this").
Be present with your feelings and recognize that sometimes it's tough, but it's okay ("I'm feeling frustrated with how challenging this is and how long it’s taking to see results. This emotion will pass, but it’s OK that I feel this way right now").

In other words, self-compassion is all about giving yourself a break.

Can self-compassion help you set and achieve goals? The research says yes. If you make a mistake and then automatically criticize yourself, this negative self-talk can actually cause you to abandon your goal. Self-compassion disrupts this process, allowing you to embrace where you are and work toward behavior changes you find valuable.

So, when thinking about your resolutions, remember:

Behaviour change takes time: Don't be fooled by the "new year, new you" ads and expect changes to happen right away.
Set SMART goals: Your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timebound.
Align your goals with your values: Choose goals that are meaningful to you, not just because you think they're what others expect of you.
Positive self-talk: Talk to yourself like you would a beloved friend. Instead of beating yourself up, encourage yourself.
Celebrate your successes: No matter how small, acknowledge the progress you're making towards achieving your goals.

By being kinder to yourself and practicing self-compassion, you're more likely to not only stick to your resolutions but to find joy in the process.

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[1] Neff, K. D. (2015). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperOne.[2] Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. New Harbinger Publications.[3] Komatsu, R. (2018). The miracle of self-acceptance: Embracing self-compassion as a foundation for personal transformation. Hay House, Inc.[4] Gilbert, P. (2019). Stumbling on happiness. Vintage.[5] Germer, C. K., Segal, Z. V., & Fulton, P. R. (2018). Mindfulness and compassion-based activities for anxiety and depression: A clinician's guide. American Psychological Association.

Self-compassion, as researched by Jane Compson and defined as being kind to oneself, understanding suffering as part of the shared human experience, and being mindful instead of ignoring or over-identifying with emotions, can help in setting and achieving goals. By using positive self-talk, aligning goals with personal values, celebrating successes, and practicing other self-compassion techniques, one is more likely to stick to resolutions and find joy in the process, potentially improving overall health-and-wellness and well-being. To learn more about self-compassion, consider signing up for biweekly tips to prioritize your well-being (reference [1]-[5]).